And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
- Hebrews 12:5-6
This text in Hebrews reminds us that God disciplines His children out of a motive of love, and this reminds us that human discipline of children --even teenagers-- should also be motivated by love.
As children grow up into the teenage years, they still require discipline, but not in the same way. Some years ago I was shocked to find that my neighbor, a Christian father, was spanking his teenage son. I felt that this method, though appropriate for some younger children, was not the best for a teenager. When teenagers disobey, lie, or rebel in some way, they need discipline. The main thing is that the discipline should be effective -- it has to hurt. Taking away privileges (TV, cell phones, ipods, etc) for a certain period of time or “grounding” teenagers is often effective.
One of the complaints of ABC teenagers is that their parents do not express love to them. Indeed, it is important that teens are reminded that they are loved. It is important that parents find ways to express this love. Discipline is one reason why this is important: when teens are disciplined, they need to know in their hearts that their parents are acting in love.
As a caring parent, you may feel that your teenager should automatically know they are loved because you are providing for their physical needs. But teenagers need to be reminded of your love in other ways. If you are not accustomed to expressing love in verbal ways, it can be very difficult to start. To look your teenager in the eye and say “I love you”, may be beyond your capacity. One suggestion for you to get started is to combine “love” with other communication; for example, “Susan, be back home by 8pm sharp, and remember that your mother and I love you”. Another way is to personally write the words “we love you” inside a card to congratulate your teen’s birthday, piano recital, sports achievement, grade improvement, or graduation, etc. Cards are inexpensive (50 cents at the dollar store), but so very powerful to communicate your love. Another way is to occasionally answer your teenager's question by means of an email, for example:
Jerry
We decided that you can go to Bob’s house to watch the baseball game, but you have to first clean your room.
‘love you,
Mom and Dad
Another way to verbally express your love is to ask your teenager to forgive you when you have misjudged them, overreacted in anger, or said words to them that you regret. To say, "I am sorry for what I said...", is a way to verbally express your love.
Well, these are some suggestions, and I hope some of them may be useful to both Moms and Dads.
Mark
